A Brief, Intimate and Hopefully Humorous Look Inside the Mind of a Compulsive, Fearful Flyer

Before I start I would like to acknowledge that I am well aware of how safe air travel is. That's part of why I'm able to get on the plane in the first place!




This brief and somewhat intimate look into the mind (my mind) of a compulsive, fearful flyer all started when I got an email from my mom. The email came after a fantastic previous night’s phone call and before a very early flight home from Montgomery, Alabama. To put it all in perspective I have copied the email from my mom and pasted it here before the actual blog (which was my response to my mother’s email). Since the email is what drove this writing and the beginning and end of the blog reference it, I thought it would be good for you to see it, specifically the ending of the email.



From Mom

speakingforaliving.com

This looks like a good place to start. It says it's free so check it out. Thank you for the most wonderful 2 hours tonight. You are an amazing wonderful man and sometimes I am overwhelmed by how much I love you and how smart you are and how funny you are. Have a great flight home. I know God will take care of you as he always has.

Love mom





I forgot to reply to this email. I wanted to make sure I did because I read it before my very early flight that next morning.

In my 12 or so years of traveling, flying has always been nerve racking for me. Truth be told, it's always been more of a continuous, overwhelming, God please just knock me out until I'm where I need to be kind of adventure. Flights for me go like this. I get super nervous, go through my routines (some of which are described in detail below) and shortly after takeoff I fall asleep. Lots of times I wake up and things go well. Sometimes I wake up and well...let's just say, the flight continues.

Obviously there are conditions that affect this. Length of flight, amount of turbulence and whether or not the pilot talks to us (which is strictly a compulsive type fear of mine because it lets me know someone is there, flying the plane).

Speaking of compulsions, I do have a few when it comes to flying. Get as little sleep possible the day or night before the flight, walk the gate terminal, watch some planes take off, sit in the same area on the plane (preferably the aisle). Then once I'm settled in. I pray. Probably the best prayers I've ever lifted up come before flying. Then as the pilot makes the engines roar I kiss my fist and say "it's in your hands father" and I point to the sky and that's when I start singing a worship song. Short and sweet. I sing it in a whisper. One little song over and over. "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship you, oh my soul, rejoice, take joy my King, in what you hear, let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear"

I hear the bings that announce we are at 10,000 feet, lay my seat back, turn on a song (it's the same one on repeat every flight until I wake up. Civil Wars - The Violet Hour) and then I wait for the pilot to let us know things are good and it's off to sleep. Now Obviously I'm not a fan of flying. If I can choose not to I would. My work required me to do it so I did it. Maybe that makes me oddly weird or maybe it shows good will power and fortitude. Not sure and to be honest I would be good with either. The other reason is a compulsive control type thing and there's really no time or need to get into that right now. Although, we could've possibly gone there already! The final reason for all of this craziness going on in my head is because I want to make it home. See my family again.

As I sat waiting for my flight, which I knew was going to be my last flight in a while (so my compulsive worries were kicking in); I read your email and the final sentence. I felt a peaceful reassurance and said thank you Lord and thank you mom and then had an incredible relaxed, calm, restful flight home. The flight itself probably wasn't going to be any different whether you sent that email or not. But I can assure you I would have been. Thank you!

P.S.

When departing the plane I always say "thank you up front" while passing the cockpit.